We moved two weeks ago. I usually like moving, but this move was particularly hard. We loved our place, but our landlord was selling it and couldn't guarantee that the new owners would let us continue to rent. So we moved, and I found myself feeling taxed.
Moving, I found, is a willpower-depleting series of decisions
and self-control. I'm not even going to talk about FINDING a place to live in
the first place. That process has its own place in the valley of the damned.
For me, it was just the move. As we packed, we purged a lot of our belongings.
In the first few days we donated six bags of clothes and nine bags of books. We
recycled paper, metal, and glass. We sold and gave away furniture and bikes.
Some people think we have a finite amount of willpower each
day. Some days we make big decisions, some days we make little decisions, some
days we make a lot of decisions, some days we make only a few. If we use up our
finite amount of willpower early in the day, we might not have enough later to
make the "better" decision or exercise our will-power.
This theory has been used to show how hard it
can be for people to break the cycle of poverty. Using extreme self-control to
cut costs and making heart-breaking decisions for your family every day can
deplete your willpower very easily, making it more difficult to make those
(already) impossible choices, applying for yet another job, or thinking about
going back to school.
And as the move got closer, my willpower frayed.
"Do we want to save this (old book/slightly cracked
picture frame/ripped blanket/unopened box of pencils) or should we donate
it?"
"FUCKING CHUCK IT OUT!"
I was completely surprised and rather disappointed by my
vehement nonchalance. I am not a wasteful person. We are environmentalists and
live a relatively thrifty life. But we threw out a LOT of stuff. And each time
we did, I felt guilty. And the guilt sapped my willpower. And then we'd have to
make another decision. And we'd throw something ELSE out. More guilt. Less
willpower. Another decision.
Like the sneaky hate spiral, the guilty-willpower vortex spun
out of control until I had a breakdown. Not fun. But when I emerged from the
other side, refreshed by a night of NOT packing, I realized what was going on.
We were making a TON of decisions and I needed to save my willpower for the big
ones. For example, what are we getting on our moving-day pizza?
I needed to realize that it was OK to throw out that picture
frame (totally crappy anyway), if it meant I could make better, self-affirming
decisions later on. My life as an environmentalist is not disaffirmed by each
thing I don't reuse/recycle; rather, it is affirmed by my long-term commitment
to greener living. Throwing out a frame doesn't erase a lifetime of recycling.
One bad decision doesn't erase all the good decisions. In fact, it makes the
good decisions easier.
So, next time you've had a hard day and want to chuck the
newspaper in the trash instead of walking to the recycling bin 5 feet away, do
it! It just may allow you to make a fabulous decision the next day.
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